


No Rest For The Dark One

by Ultra



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies), The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Crossover, Dark One Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Gen, Jack being Jack, Magic, Magic-Users, Magical Artifacts, Minor Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Multiple Crossovers, Pirates, Protective Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Sassy Damon Salvatore, The Dark Castle (Once Upon a Time), Trouble, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24824668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: As the all-powerful Dark One, Rumpelstiltskin should be able to have things his own way, at least some of the time. No such luck when visitors keep on calling, making their magic-related requests, and taking up time he would much rather be spending with his new housekeeper...
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	No Rest For The Dark One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Florencia_7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florencia_7/gifts).



> For Florencia_7 - Happy birthday! I really hope you enjoy this, just please, don't ever ask me where it came from, because I have no idea! Apparently, my brain is full of strange ideas and this is just one of them ;)

Sometimes, the life of the Dark One could be very trying on the nerves. For all of Rumpelstiltskin’s magicks, he was not always as free to do what he wished as he would like. Such power came with responsibility, whether he liked it or not. For example, today, he would quite happily have spent all his time getting a little better acquainted with his new housekeeper, but alas, before he could leave his room and go in search of her, he realised he had an unexpected, and quite uninvited, visitor.

“Come on out, dearie,” said Rumpel, peering over his own shoulder into the darkest spot by the door. “No need to lurk in corners. We’re all creatures of the dark here. Of course, none are quite as dark as me.”

There was a beat of silence and no movement at all, before suddenly a handsome face appeared from the shadows, smirking in the most annoying fashion, at least, to Rumpel’s mind.

“Always talking a good game, Dark One, but I think you’ve been hanging around in this world too long,” he said smartly, hands in his pockets as he wandered further into the room, quite obviously mindful of the light trying to sneak in from the far windows. “You forget, it’s not the only place to rule. I sometimes think maybe you’re not so powerful after all.”

“Said the bloodsucker hiding from the sun, to the wielder of all dark magicks,” Rumpel told him smartly. “If you’re only here to play at throwing your weight around, vampire, best be off before I grow bored,” he said, waving his hand in a gesture meant to dismiss. “Or I might have to turn you into a bat.”

“Much as I hate to admit it, you might actually be doing me a favour if you did.”

Tilting his head as he stared at him, Rumpelstiltskin tried to ascertain just exactly what was going on here. A vampire afraid of the light was nothing new, but this one in particular was usually much more brazen. He supposed if he was ever going to find out the truth, he would have to make allowances. With a sweep of his hand, he effortlessly had the curtains all drawn and the candles lit, making it easier for his ‘guest’ to move about the room.

“Now, get to the point, Salvatore,” he commanded, looking to the vampire just as he sighed with relief.

“You’re not going soft and lenient on us, are you, old man?” Damon asked with a smirk. “Hmm, something has changed,” he considered, now free to move closer, perhaps a little too close for Rumpel’s comfort, as the bloodsucker sniffed the air around him. “Do I smell _virgin_ on you?”

Rumpel bit his tongue until it almost bled, peering up into Damon’s eyes with a snake-like look of his own. However tempted, he would not rise to the bait.

“What do you want?” he asked, forcing a smile.

“Well, whatever I _did_ want,” said the vampire, looking towards the interior door as if to go that way, “I might have just changed my mind...”

In a split second, Rumpel’s hand shot out, instantly casting a spell that stuck Damon to the spot. He visibly put all his effort into shifting forward, but to no avail. The Dark One stepped up close in front of him and glared.

“Don’t. Even. Think. About. It.” he said firmly, every word a clear threat that no-one could mistake.

Though it was quite obvious Damon would love to argue, as he always did where pretty young things were concerned, he knew he couldn’t this time.

“Fine,” he acquiesced, in such a way that Rumpel was inclined to believe him.

With a snap of his green-gold fingers, the spell lifted and Damon lurched forward uncomfortably, catching himself on the dresser just in time to stop himself face-planting on the cold stone floor. Shaking his stiff muscles out, he stood tall again in a moment and faced Rumpelstiltskin head on. Nothing ever seemed to slow a Salvatore down for too long.

“I’m having some trouble moving freely in the worlds right now. I may have... misplaced a certain, significantly blue-stoned ring,” he said cryptically, almost bashfully, Rumpel noted, though he left him dangling for as long as he could - it was just fun. “Come on, Dark One, do you have what I’m looking for or not?” Damon demanded when he felt he had been waiting too long for an answer.

Rumpel smirked annoyingly on purpose as he moved back amongst his potion bottles and bowls of herbs.

“Don’t have one,” he said absently, going back to his work without a care, “but of course, I could procure what you need... for a price,” he said with a giggle.

“You just got done telling me how great your magicks are,” Damon argued, following him across the room. “It’s not going to cost much for you to spell some lapis lazuli for me.”

“Ah, but all magic comes with a price,” Rumpel reminded him, gesturing with a particularly pointy finger nail at the vampire, “and for slippery creatures like yourself, I can make it a very high one.”

Damon knew well enough that if he wanted what he came for, he was just going to have to pay whatever price the Dark One deemed sufficient. In the circumstances, he had very little choice. He opened his mouth to say he accepted, reached a hand to shake on it, when noise filtered up from below, an obvious fracas of some kind. It got Rumpel’s attention more than Damon’s own, but with him so distracted, this deal needed striking now before it was too late.

“Apparently, you have company,” Damon noted. “Tomorrow?” he suggested.

“Yes, yes,” Rumpelstiltskin agreed with an absent flick of his wrist, eyes on the door that he quickly crossed to, arriving just in time for it to fly open in his face.

“Rumpel!” boomed a familiar voice.

It was hastily followed by a strong smell of rum and then the pitter-patter sound of dainty feet in dainty shoes rushing into the room.

“Excuse me, sir, you can’t just barge in here,” said Belle crossly, though she failed completely at keeping the pirate out of the Dark One’s private chamber.

“Sorry, luv,” he apologised all the same. “Don’t mean to be rude, but needs must.”

“Jack Sparrow,” said Rumpelstiltskin, with no small amount of distaste.

“Er, think you’re missing a Captain there, mate,” Jack told him with a gold-and-white grin.

Rumpel bristled at smile, tone, and smell of rum all.

“I am not your mate,” he said sharply, before turning a more genuine smile to his housekeeper. “Belle, could you escort Mr Salvatore to...” he trailed off when he turned and realised the vampire was gone. “Oh. Nevermind. Go and make some tea, would you?” he said instead, gesturing absently for Belle to be gone.

“Of course, Rumpel,” she agreed politely, though her attention seemed to be quite elsewhere. She leaned in close to her master, unaware of the effect she had on him, he was sure, as she spoke softly. “Is he alright?” she said of the pirate staggering about the room yet.

“Best not to ask, dearie,” Rumpel advised, shooing her out in the next moment.

It would have been hard enough to keep Belle out of the clutches of the charming Damon Salvatore. He would rather not find out if she possessed the acquired taste that was Captain Jack Sparrow as well.

“Rumpel,” the man himself proclaimed the moment they were alone, complete with wild hand gestures. “I find myself in a spot of bother. Long and the short of it is, mermaid trouble.”

As the pirate went on to elaborate, Rumpelstiltskin realised he was would have no peace today, and certainly no spare time to spend with his beautiful and enticing new employee. It was true what they said, of course, and always would be - there really was no rest for the wicked!


End file.
